40 questions to ask before marriage
The conversations that shape daily life together are easier before you commit than after. Answer on your own first, then compare.
How to use these questions: take one theme at a time, answer separately, then talk about where you differ. A difference is not a problem; a difference you never discussed can become one.
Hopes and intentions
- What are you hoping our marriage will be?
- Which marriage do you most admire, and what makes it work?
- What did you learn about marriage from your parents, good and bad?
- What would make you feel loved on an ordinary day?
- What does being faithful mean to you, in practice?
Our families
- Whose opinion in your family matters most to you?
- When would you like our families to meet, and how?
- How often do you expect to see your parents and siblings after we marry?
- How should we handle it if one of our families disapproves of a decision we make together?
- Would you want a parent to live with us one day?
Children
- Do you want children? How many, and when?
- What would we do if we could not have children naturally?
- Which values matter most to you when raising a child?
- How should we share the care of a baby, at night and during the day?
- If one of us already has children, how would you like me to be with them at first?
Money
- How did your family talk about money when you were growing up?
- Do you have savings or debts I should know about?
- How would you like to share household costs?
- Do you expect to support your parents or siblings financially?
- What size of purchase should we always discuss first?
Faith and values
- What role does faith play in your week?
- Which beliefs or values could you never compromise on?
- How would you like our children to be raised in terms of faith?
- Which religious or cultural holidays do you want to keep?
- What do our families expect of us in matters of faith?
Home and daily life
- Which household tasks do you enjoy, and which do you dislike?
- After marriage, how do you see work and home life?
- How much time alone do you need?
- How often would you like to have guests at home?
- How should we decide if the arrangement starts to feel unfair?
When we disagree
- When you are upset, do you need to talk straight away or to have time first?
- How did your parents handle disagreements?
- How do you like to apologise, and to receive an apology?
- Should we ever involve family or friends in our disagreements?
- How would we know when to ask a counsellor for help?
The future
- Where would you like to live after we marry?
- What are your career hopes for the next ten years?
- How do you imagine our life when we are older?
- How should we care for each other if one of us becomes ill?
- What promise would you like us to make to each other?
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